I'm pretty sure I've met the man I'm going to marry.

I don't know why I'm blogging about this, because I know I'm going to jinx it, but I'm pretty sure I've met him.

And I'm happy with this one. For once. :)

I just need a minute

I don't like getting close to boys and letting my guard down. I feel like this is an appropriate way to begin this blog. I know that every girl feels like this at some point in time. It's not fair that we have to feel like this, though. I know, believe me, I do, that God wouldn't put us through anything that we can't handle, but it's getting really hard. It's kind of sad that I'm only 19 years old and am ready to give up. I'm tired of getting hurt, especially when I told him that I've been cheated on and played. I didn't think he'd hurt me, and so I let my guard down. It took two weeks for me to get hurt. It's almost like a new record. I should've known better.

I don't think I can trust him for a long time. I've told him this. I feel bad, but I'm not going to put myself through anything that I've already been through again. I won't go through any of that. I refuse. It's kind of like a fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, and the you is the male gender.

I'm going to embrace this though. I was going to tie myself down not even a month after I was ready to be single again. After I was over him. I'm going to be me, and date around. See what I like most. I don't need to be someone's girlfriend or get married right now. That would be silly. I at least want to be able to support myself before I jump into that kind of commitment. I would like to be either done with school or almost done with school and have a full time job before any of that. I don't want to feel like my husband is supporting the both of us and because I go to school full time, I can't help. I would just feel lazy and like a loser basically. I don't know how some couples do it. Like Chauncey and Jenni, the newest married couple I know! I have no idea how they do it. Sure, Chauncey is older, but Jenni is just a month older than me, goes to school, and works part time. What if they were to have a kid? How would they afford anything?

I have my wedding planned out as sad as that sounds. I have the perfect dress, the colors, the way I want everything decorated, the bridesmaid dresses, who my maid of honor and bridesmaids are, what flowers I want, everything except who the Groom is. I want to get proposed to in the winter in the snow, and married in the fall. October 25th to be exact. I don't know why I like that date, to me, it just seems like the perfect day to get married. But because I have all of this planned out, I will never get married, because that's karma.

Now, instead of sitting here in my self pity: I'm actually very happy besides all of this. I have great friends and a great life. Sure, things aren't great at home, but they don't need to be. I'm loving life. I love all my new friends and these new experiences. If I had known how happy I was going to be in the Royal Mesa Ward, I would've transferred my records right after graduation.

I love all the new people I'm meeting. Even though Haleigh and I have been amazing friends since high school, we're getting a lot closer now. I love all our new inside jokes and being an old woman with her. We're going to go on Say Yes To The Dress when she's going dress shopping, and her pee pill is secretly delicious.

I love Paula and Lindsey. I knew Lindsey before I even entered high school. I don't know if she remembered me, but I remembered her. And then I met Paula, and I'm very happy about these friendships. Paula and Lindsey are kind of like the big sisters I never had and always wanted. They're so funny, and always smiling.

I also love the Kreimeyer sisters, Ara and Brit. They are two of the funniest, thoughtful, amazing people. They're also like sisters, too. Ara welcomed me the very first time we talked, and I loved Brit from the moment we first talked. I don't think that my experiences would be the same without them.

Of course there's Jessica. She is actually in two wards. Her home ward and the singles ward. She's a primary teacher in her home ward and loves every minute of it. She has the sweetest spirit, and I look up to her.

There's my soccer players. Forbush, Angulo, Fletcher, Billy, Carly Richardson, Alyssa, and a lot of people that I don't know their names so I make up nicknames for them in my head, and it would be really embarrassing for me to post them on the internet.

There's also Mallory and Joey. I literately just met them, and we're totes already BFFs. We make a good team, take a good picture, and even though I steal Joey's phone for hours, he calls me his best friend, and we're in the super secret club, which it totally cool, because we're the most elite club in the Las Vegas area. Quite possibly the world.

And there's many others, like Carly Doty, Mykii, the lovely lady I visit teach, Bianca, and pretty much everybody who shows their face at Ara's house.

I love you all. You're the most amazing people, and I'm very grateful to have you in my life.

I'm so lucky.

I'm so lucky to have this gospel in my life. I'm so incredibly lucky to know amazing people, with outstanding testimonies. I can't express in words how much you all mean to me...

thank you all so much.

Why did I ever think an 8am business class would ever be okay?

I can handle 9:30 am classes. I have one Monday through Thursday. Business 201. 8 am. Mondays and  Wednesdays. How stupid am I? This is my face when I wake up at 6 in the morning those days:

THEN this is my face after I'm done getting ready:

When I get to school:

THEN IN CLASS: 

The only thing saving me from looking like an idiot is blogging. Thank yo and have a nice day.

I love my sisters.

Erin Eleyse Anderton

Darling, dahhhhling, girl. You are my best friend. I tell you all my secrets. I tell you all my dreams. You know me better than I know me. We've been friends since primary. We got closer when I was a sophomore and you were a freshman. We had a teeny tiny falling out, but we're all better now, and better than ever. And now you completely understand how I feel about so many things. 

You're going to be my Maid of Honor. And even when you're married and living across the nation, we're still going to be best friends, texting each other, calling each other, freaking out over this and that, this and that. You're always my number one go to, and I know I can always count on you. I love you, whore<3

Haleigh Foster

First year of girls camp when we first met each other, I knew we were going to be friends for a long time. You are one of the best people I have ever met, with an amazing family to match. I love you and your family. I mean, I kinda have to love your family, they're going to be mine when my brother marries your sister. THEN I can officially be Samaleigh! 

We have some great times, and I wish we had more great times together, and we totally will! I'm so excited to be in the ward with you, and I can't wait until you're on say yes to the dress when you're engaged, and I'm just so so so so so excited!!! 

I love you bunches. You're amazing and wonderful. I'm so lucky to have a sister like you. You're the best. 

I like blogging. I like soccer. I like Royal Mesa.

I'm a serial blogger. I have been since I signed up for tumblr, but I needed a new place where I'm not distracted by pretty pictures, likes, and reblogs.

Blogging is annoying. It totally is. It's just me, getting my thoughts out there, and you crazy people decided you want to get to know me without actually talking to me, so you end up here, reading my blog. I'm okay with that, because if you read what's coming out of my head FROM me, then you're getting it right. It's not some assumption you got from your friend who is in a class with someone who is in a class with me. I know that somebody is going to tell somebody that they read my blog, and it says this and this and that, and then they're going to miss important details, making everything sound completely, 104% different. But hey, there's a source people can come to to see for themselves. 

I thought blogging was lame. Back on myspace, they had that blogging thing you could do. I never kept up with it. I thought it was stupid. I'd rather look at so and so's comments from that stupid girl no one liked than to write out what happened to me each and every day. I've never been the best at keeping  a journal. But now, I almost feel like it's a necessity if I want to remember what my life was like when I was younger when I look back on this is 10 years.

I like soccer. I play every monday. I never thought that I would say this. It's totally awesome. There's really hot guys, and playing with them is an honor, really. I've made a lot of friends doing this, and I have battle scars, (and I have one really painful right boobie from where a certain someone *cough*Cameron*cough* sent the ball flying at.) but I wouldn't trade it for a lot of things. Maybe... nevermind. 

I really like the Royal Mesa ward. I was terrified at first. I didn't know how I felt about going to church anymore. I'm a college student and all I want to do is sleep. Going to my home ward for 3 hours and watch kids for 2 of them made me cringe. But then, it was almost like a miracle. For the first time in my church experiences, I fit in somewhere. I was getting all these offers and questions like people actually wanted to talk to me. I go to FHE, which I have never been to in my life. I have fun. I love it. I help with everything I can. I laugh. I tell jokes. I don't know why I didn't go before. I really fit in, and it's the best feeling in the world. If I hadn't gone, I would be falling further and further away from the church. I thank you all for coming into my life, and for those of you who haven't yet, I can't wait to be your friend♥

2 songs that describe how I feel.

1. Summer Girl

I drive an army jeep 
My bumper sticker reads 
Drink 'til he's cute 
That's what I'm gonna do 
Ain't got no serious thing 
Don't wear no diamond ring 
I've got a new tattoo 
I think you'll like the view 

In my mind 
The sun shines 
All the time 

'Cause I'm just a summer girl 
I wear my flip flops 
And when I let my hair down 
That's when the party starts 
And who needs a boyfriend 
I've got my girlfriends 
And when we get together 
The summer never ends 

Tank tops and cut-off jeans 
Bikinis and belly rings 
We'll make that scene when the 
DJ plays 'Dancing Queen' 
Fellas lay your money down 
We'll letcha buy around 
Don't push your luck 
Don't get more than your hopes up 

In my world 
day or night 
Rain or shine 

I'm just a summer girl 
I wear my flip flops 
And when I let my hair down 
That's when the party starts 
And who needs a boyfriend 
I've got my girlfriends 
And when we get together 
The summer never ends 

Everybody needs a little bit of sunshine 
Everybody needs time to unwind 
Everybody gotta have a good time 
I'm just a summer girl 

Everybody get up on your feet 
Everybody gotta shake your body 
Everybody got a right to be free 
I'm just a summer girl 

I'm just a summer girl 
I wear my flip flops 
And when I let my hair down 
The party never stops 
And who needs a boyfriend 
I've got my girlfriends 
And when we get together 
The summer never ends 

I'm just a summer girl 

Everybody needs a little bit of sunshine 
Everybody needs time to unwind 
Everybody gotta have a good time 
I'm just a summer girl 

Everybody get up on your feet 
Everybody gotta shake your body 
Everybody got a right to be free 
I'm just a summer girl

2. A Little Bit Stronger

Woke up late today

And I still felt the sting of the pain

But I brushed my teeth anyway

Got dressed through the mess

And put a smile on my face

I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work

And I’m trying to ignore the hurt

So I turned on the radio

Stupid song made me think of you

I listened to it for a minute

But then I changed it

And I’m getting a little bit stronger

Just a little bit stronger

I’m done hoping that we can work it out

I’m done with how it feels

Spinning my wheels

And letting you drag my heart around

And I’m done thinking you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same

But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay

Even on my weakest days

I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger

It doesn’t happen overnight

Then you turn around and months gone by

And you realize you haven’t cried

I’m not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer

I’m busy getting stronger

I’m done hoping that we can work it out

I’m done with how it feels

Spinning my wheels

And letting you drag my heart around

And I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same

But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay

Even on my weakest days

I get a little bit stronger

Just a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby

I’m better off without you, baby

How does it feel without me, baby?

I’m getting stronger without you, baby

I’m done hoping that we can work it out

I’m done with how it feels

Spinning my wheels

And letting you drag my heart around

And I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same

But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay

Even on my weakest days

I get a little bit stronger

Just a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger

Just a little bit stronger

A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger

A little bit stronger

Why these two songs? I don't know. I've been hurt by someone I was in love with, but who hasn't? I'm making the best out of the cards I was dealt. I'm okay with that. I don't need a boyfriend as long as I have my best friends. I'm happy, and I'm getting stronger. 

Thank you, Leighton Meester for singing these amazing songs. 

Who am I?

I feel like my blog posts are going to be more like essays than anything else. I like writing essays. Did you know that about me? I bet there's a lot of things that you think that you know about me and don't. I bet you think I like Glee. I bet you think that I like Twilight. I bet you think I like candy. What makes you think I like these things? People judge people every day of life. It's human nature. 

My name is Samantha Jane Larsen, but I bet you got that from my facebook. Two people nicknamed me Sunshine in one night, without knowing the other person did so. I'll forever be Sami Sunshine, or just flat out Sunshine, to them. It's self explanatory when you see someone is named Sunshine what kind of person that they are. They're a happy person who is always laughing and trying to make other people feel better about themselves. Right? Right. 

How much do you really know me, rather than what people think that they know about me? How much do you think is true out of what people assume? Well, between you and I, assuming things just makes an ass out of u and me. 

I don't like candy, but chocolate and sour patch kids are the exception. I hate most gummy things. I think lemon candy anything is delicious though, but if it's gummy, we probably have a problem. I used to like Twilight. I liked Twilight before it was cool to like Twilight. That's because of my friend Lex. I told Lex I was a Harry Potter girl (still am), and nothing could ever take its place in my heart (it hasn't). I read the books religiously. I hated Jacob Black. I defended it to people who would make fun of it who hadn't ever picked it up once. But then the movie came out. And it sucked. Royally sucked. That girl in high school who sucks everyone, yeah, it sucked more than her. Then all these people who liked the movie were obsessed, and it was just too much. It's magic was fleeing fast. Then after New Moon came out, it was gone. I reread twilight over Summer '10 to see if it was really that great and I came upon to conclusions. One, Edward is a creep. He watches her while she sleeps. He's overprotective, and even though he can hear every girls thoughts around him, he's obsessed with Bella. He never tried to hit anything else once. I get he was born in 1901, but still. Think about it. Hormones. Teenage hormones? Plus, they bang on True Blood all the time. Two, Bella doesn't have an original thought in her head. She is not a good heroine. (not heroin, but yeah, in Twilight that makes sense, too) She isn't smart. I feel foolish for ever wanting to be her. 

I like Glee. Sometimes. But COME ON, a JUSTIN BIEBER EPISODE? You're kidding...right? Okay, okay, so I am a StarKid, and Darren is going to be a season regular on the show, but to me, it's starting to lose it's magic, too. It was all about believing during the first season, and that part of the plot is still there under all the break ups, and gay relationships (which, I am completely okay with), affairs, sex, and (I actually really like this topic) overcoming bullying. But I have a serious question. Why aren't they worried about their SATs or ACTs? Why aren't they talking about college and getting ready for it? When do they do homework? Do they ever hang out outside of Glee Club? Why do they practice dancing for a wedding in the choir room? Why did all the wedding plans basically happen at WMHS? THAT'S NOT NORMAL. I've never once heard them talk about finals or semester exams. I get it. It's not a reality tv show. But if they address all of these factors we go through during high school, why not get the whole experience right? Just my thoughts. 

I've always loved Harry Potter. Since I was 8 years old. I admit, I didn't get into it until the second book came out, but I do have all the US First Editions. (can I get a hell yeah?!) Its lessons on friendship and what power can do to a person is what I think we should be taught in our english classes. 

I'm LDS. I haven't always been the best member in the ward. For a long time I did a lot of things that I wasn't supposed to. Then my parents got divorced. I couldn't stand my mother, who is active, and my father, who isn't active isn't that great of a person either. I don't have the best examples. But I would go to church every sunday after their divorce. I would do my calling, and then I got a miracle. Two amazing home teachers, Amy Malone and Briauna Tregaskas. I knew who they were, their kids were in my nursery. But these two amazing women were like the older sisters I never had. The fact I knew I had two women I could count on. I've never really had that besides my grandmothers in Utah, my step mother and her sister. But the fact that two women so close who weren't completely obligated to be there for me were. I aspire to be like them. And I also aspire to marry a man like their husbands. Briauna's husband is this amazing man who didn't think I was weird when he was my sunday school teacher, and Amy's husband is a great father, who their son, Aaron, never stops talking about. 

I want to be a social worker, sociologist, and eventually a child psychologist. My main goal is to work for child protective services as a social worker until I get my degree in psychology and become a licensed psychologist, and eventually also work with CPS. I didn't have the best childhood. A lot of it sucked actually... but I got through it, and I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Getting my Sociology degree with my focus in Child Abuse. 

I'm a best friend to Erin and Haleigh. I would do anything for those girls. I would go out of my way to help them. 

I'm a mommy to my puppy, Lilly. I call her Lily Potter, and it upsets me that the breeder named her Lilly instead of Lily. 

I'm Samantha Jane Larsen. Not Larson. I'm a good person. At least I think so. I'm becoming active in my church again, and I love it. I play with my puppy whenever I can. I study at school. I play soccer every monday night. I love summer time, but autumn is my favorite season. In a nut shell, I like a lot of things, but I dislike even more things. I'm far from perfect. I just want to be the best person I can be. 

And that was a little bit of my mind for you.