Do you remember when I was 4 or 5 years old? We lived in the white house off Main Street next to the bakery in Lehi? Jake, the boy my age across the street was riding his bike without training wheels, so I had to learn how to ride my bike without training wheels, too? So I kept you outside all day so I could learn? Do you remember?
Do you remember all those trips to Kanab, when we would take out the four wheelers with Grandpa and Uncle Randy and Uncle Kevin? I would always have to ride with you on your four wheeler. I would cry and pout if I had to ride with anyone else. Do you remember?
Do you remember my senior year when I had to make my senior book full of essays on my life I wrote for english, and you helped me put it together the night before it was due? Do you remember?
Do you remember my first major boyfriend that broke my heart? How angry you were that he hurt me? And how you forbid me from talking to him or dating him ever again because he wasn't good enough for me? Do you remember?
Do you remember when we stuck together during the divorce? Do you remember?
Do you remember when I saw those emails from "untrue" and you told me it was my mother setting you up to try to break you and Tina up? Do you remember?
Do you remember how you lied to me yesterday about Bethany, thinking I wouldn't find out? Do you remember?
Do you remember how I used to look up to you so much? How I used to want to marry someone as hardworking, relentless, and resilient as you? Or even just be like you?
Dad, I'm your little girl. I'm supposed to look up to you in every way. You're supposed to be the first man I ever love and you're supposed to guide me through life as much as you can, to guide me into becoming someone better. I used to want to end up with someone like you. Someone who will love me like you loved Tina. Someone who is as hardworking, relentless, and resilient as you. But now I could never let myself end up with someone like you. Of course, I want to end up with someone hardworking, relentless, and resilient like you. But now I can't be with someone who reminds me of you.
Why would you do this? Why did you think this was okay? That woman that walked away yesterday was better than most people in this world, and I know you know that. You're never going to get her back. She wasn't just the woman you put a ring on. She was a mother to myself and Clayton. She helped me and Clayton with so much. She was that motherly figure we needed in our lives. She was a good example of what hard work gets you in life. You both are, but you lost her. But that wasn't the only thing you lost.
You lost my respect, too.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
To the woman who kissed my father:
Dear Bethany,
I've never met you, and I hope I never get that displeasure. I don't know if my father ever told you about me, but from the screencaptures of the iMessages between you and my dear old pops, you knew about my 10 year old step brother. And if you knew about him, you knew about my step mom.
Affairs happen. I'm not an idiot. It's almost a part of our adult culture to take what we want, whether we are in relationships with other people. I don't know the whole story. I know that I have suspected my father of cheating for almost a year and a half. When I confronted him, he accused my mother of setting him up, trying to ruin his relationship with Tina, his fiancée, in case you forgot he was engaged and their 5 year anniversary was coming up. I had all the evidence. I needed to go in the old family email and saw all these emails from a dating website called "untrue". Of course I did a search by sender, and found all the emails. And want to know where that registration email was kept? In his personal folder. If my mother had tried to set him up, why would he put the registration email for a dating website revolving around affairs in his personal folder?
I also know that he lied to me yesterday. He lied about you to protect himself. Bethany - my father told me that you came onto him and kissed him. And that it was just that. A kiss. It could be true, expect all last week he was coming home late. Around 1, 2 am. I had called him early on in the week, and he had told me is was "working" and would be working late. And I believed him.
Why would you think that these actions were okay? Who the hell do you think you are is more of my main concern. We were a family, you know. Before Tina came in the picture, we were broken. The divorce had ripped us all apart. But she put us back together. And of course there were times when I would butt heads with her, but that woman is more of a woman than you ever will be. She is true to herself, she is independent, she is loving, she works hard, and she is one of the most giving people to ever be a part of my life. There would be times where we couldn't stand each other and she would still help me if I needed help. When my body was shutting down when I had a staph infection, and I couldn't afford my antibiotics, pain killers, and bandages to wrap up my knee, she paid for everything! And even after she saw the messages between you two and heard my father's lies, she still told me and my brother that she loved us, and if we need anything, all we have to do is text or call her and she will be there for us. Her sister and brother-in-law also reached out to us. Those are good people. Those are people who love their family, They don't destroy families. They don't ruin lives or relationships.
I don't date much. I don't have a boyfriend. But I still know the basic human rules of dating. And the first damn rule is don't go after someone who is taken, even if they go after you. I couldn't care less if they're what you want. You don't do that.
Listen, Bethany. I don't know who is more at fault here. You or my father. I am so upset and angry that I can't tell. But honestly, you both are equally to blame in my eyes. He shouldn't have been looking. He shouldn't have acted on anything. But neither should you. You shouldn't have accepted any advances. You knew. You. Knew. You shouldn't have advanced on him.
And if you two do pursue this: once a cheater, always a cheater. Remember that.
xoxo, Samantha.
I've never met you, and I hope I never get that displeasure. I don't know if my father ever told you about me, but from the screencaptures of the iMessages between you and my dear old pops, you knew about my 10 year old step brother. And if you knew about him, you knew about my step mom.
Affairs happen. I'm not an idiot. It's almost a part of our adult culture to take what we want, whether we are in relationships with other people. I don't know the whole story. I know that I have suspected my father of cheating for almost a year and a half. When I confronted him, he accused my mother of setting him up, trying to ruin his relationship with Tina, his fiancée, in case you forgot he was engaged and their 5 year anniversary was coming up. I had all the evidence. I needed to go in the old family email and saw all these emails from a dating website called "untrue". Of course I did a search by sender, and found all the emails. And want to know where that registration email was kept? In his personal folder. If my mother had tried to set him up, why would he put the registration email for a dating website revolving around affairs in his personal folder?
I also know that he lied to me yesterday. He lied about you to protect himself. Bethany - my father told me that you came onto him and kissed him. And that it was just that. A kiss. It could be true, expect all last week he was coming home late. Around 1, 2 am. I had called him early on in the week, and he had told me is was "working" and would be working late. And I believed him.
Why would you think that these actions were okay? Who the hell do you think you are is more of my main concern. We were a family, you know. Before Tina came in the picture, we were broken. The divorce had ripped us all apart. But she put us back together. And of course there were times when I would butt heads with her, but that woman is more of a woman than you ever will be. She is true to herself, she is independent, she is loving, she works hard, and she is one of the most giving people to ever be a part of my life. There would be times where we couldn't stand each other and she would still help me if I needed help. When my body was shutting down when I had a staph infection, and I couldn't afford my antibiotics, pain killers, and bandages to wrap up my knee, she paid for everything! And even after she saw the messages between you two and heard my father's lies, she still told me and my brother that she loved us, and if we need anything, all we have to do is text or call her and she will be there for us. Her sister and brother-in-law also reached out to us. Those are good people. Those are people who love their family, They don't destroy families. They don't ruin lives or relationships.
I don't date much. I don't have a boyfriend. But I still know the basic human rules of dating. And the first damn rule is don't go after someone who is taken, even if they go after you. I couldn't care less if they're what you want. You don't do that.
Listen, Bethany. I don't know who is more at fault here. You or my father. I am so upset and angry that I can't tell. But honestly, you both are equally to blame in my eyes. He shouldn't have been looking. He shouldn't have acted on anything. But neither should you. You shouldn't have accepted any advances. You knew. You. Knew. You shouldn't have advanced on him.
And if you two do pursue this: once a cheater, always a cheater. Remember that.
xoxo, Samantha.
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